Lately I have been wondering if my life is always on alert because of God's approval of what I am doing. I know that it is said God makes no mistakes and I am altering God's creation. I don't know it is something I have been struggling with. Why is it that at 52 I just don't have it all taken care of? I should be looking at retiring instead of looking for yet another career. I know I just am feeling a little sorry for myself this evening. This current job will more than likely end Friday and here I am again trying to figure out what to do with my life.
It's Humpty Dumpty. All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put him back together again. I feel like sometimes I am just coming apart. Always strapped for the cash, struggling to be the man that I want to be. It's just a fucking struggle. When will the struggle end? I wait upon God's answer but it seems like it never comes. When I lost the other job I knew I had to take something before the unemployment runs out. It was a desperate move. Always in the desperate mode. When can I just set back and just be patience with looking for the right job that will finish out my career? I want to just enjoy life.
When will I be able to just enjoy what life is giving me?
Not a good evening. God please hear me. I know you are out there. I know that you will not let me fall, but God if you could just allow me take a deep breath and be okay.
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