Feeling Alone In AA

Lately I have felt more alone in AA than ever before. I feel like being a black man is keeping me away from people. My transition has isolated me a little from people. Once I was always included in social events. I am now never asked. I go to a meeting get my recovery and go home. I don't have much conversation with people any more and feel like I am just not a part of the group any longer.
I know this could all be in my head. But I see how each group of people have their own little click and I am just not a part of. People I use to be around have disappeared and are a part of a new group.
I don't fit in with being with woman and I don't fit in being with men. I don't raise my hand to sponsor because who am I suppose to sponsor? So I just walk my recovery with me.

Support

Almost two years ago I was given some information about transmen from Constance. She had found the info at a conference and mailed it to me to read. In the information was information about Black Transmen Inc. It opened the door for my new life. I found this group on Facebook and joined. It has been one of the greatest things that ever happened. It's my AA for my transition. There is never a topic that I am going through that someone else has not already been through. Just put it out there and someone speaks up and says oh yeah I am going through this or I have gone through this.
I am so grateful to have this group.

Birth Certificate

My next step for my transition is changing my birth certificate. Some reason it has been the hardest of the steps I have had to take. Not sure why I have a little anxiety about this. Why am I so uncertain about this. Everything else I have jumped right in and got it done. Name change, starting T, marker change. But this is making me hold off.
I have to really look at this and see what is going on. Why am I holding back so? I need to take this to the group and ask the question why? Maybe others are feeling the same way.
I printed out the form but that is as far as I have gotten. I need to take the next step. I need to remove the anxiety and push forward. Do this the same way that I did everything else.
I have to make a step toward freedom.

My First Tux

I am going to a formal event in April and I got fitted today for my first tux ever. So many firsts is happening in my life since my transition. Going to the the event will be my first formal affair I have ever attended. It is also the first time I have been fitted for a suit. I had a little anxiety when the woman was measuring me. What if she discovers I am different. What will she say. What does she think? It was very painless and I must say I felt really at ease.
So I now know my suit size and will be going out buying my own suit to own in the future. This world has opened up so much of a world I never knew. In high school I couldn't go to the prom in a tux. It was the 70's I would have been laughed out of there. I stayed at home. Everyone else went to the prom but I didn't. I don't remember if it bothered me or not. I just remember not being a part of the conversation of all the happenings the following Monday. I didn't even know where the after parties were. So I just stayed home that night. I do remember my Mother asking me if I was upset. I would have never voiced it if I was.
I was different and that was all that it was. No one asked me to go and so I was not going. I was not going to wear a dress and I could't wear what I wanted to.
Life being a lesbian was pretty tough back then. I just didn't fit in anywhere at that moment.
I don't even know if anyone missed me. No one asked.