The Struggle

So I have fucking lost yet another job. I just can't seem to find the right job that is stable and I can settle in and be okay with.
It's going to be rough meeting the bills but I just keep turning it over to God. My fears that it. I go through the moment of fear and I just stop say a little prayer and move on until the next wave of fear happens. This is all so different for me. Usually I am so wigged out I can't function. All up in my head and really freaking out. What is different this time? Could it be I am just learning how to take these tools of living and have been able to apply them to my every day living? Am I just so not emotionally attached since I have been on T that this is a different ride this time?
I know it sometimes feels like a struggle but what the hell can I do really? All I can do is apply for jobs, allow myself to feel the fear, move through it and keep on going. What is the worst thing that could happen? I become homeless? At least I would still have my life. I would still be sober and I would still try and be a decent person.
What this time of not having a job is teaching me is that I need to be humble, let go of the pride and ask for help.
I don't have to be in the struggle unless I want to. I can feel the pain and the fear and move on.
I want to go to that dark place where I want to look at the past and blame all my bad behavior back then on what life is like now. Leave that alone. Move on and get ready for the next ride.