Out running errands last night and realized right in Walmart that I was in panic mode. I saw an old school mate and here I am with mustache growing and he is screaming my name Charlotte from across the store.
I had already ditched down an aisle from seeing one old friend. Now I was going to encounter this guy face to face. I have not had this feeling in a long time. This do I have to explain or what will they think. Hating that they are still referring to me as Charlotte and using the pronoun of she and her. Do I just blurt out and say hey you are wrong I am no longer Charlotte, or do I just let it go? This and where the rubber hits the road. I should not feel shame for who I am now. But people who I see once every few years what difference does it make?
I realized tonight in a meeting that I might have the same fear going to meetings. I don't talk as much as I use to since my transition. I want to think a lot of it has to do with just being calm and willing to listen. I don't want to think its because I am hiding. I am trying to not be in the light. People will look, people will wonder the new ones why some people are still referring to me as she.
I don't know tonight and last night I really was dealing with my GID. Guess some days are better than others.
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