Changing

Every day I look in the mirror and I wonder when I will see that changes of the man I want to become. I realize though that the change needs to start from within. I need to step my game up and be more accepting of who I am. Sometimes I operate off the fear. Fear that this is not going to be what I need to do, fear that I am going to be alone, just plain fear. But I stop and I think about what I have heard in the rooms. Stop telling God how big my fears are and start telling my fears how big my God is. Just that plain and simple and a lot of times it slows my fears.
So last night I looked in the mirror and saw that I was getting more hair on my chin and starting a mustache. I went straight to fear. Fear that people are going to see part woman, part man and put me in a freak category. That fear came back. I am so thankful I have develop a group of transmen friends from Richmond and other areas to talk to about this stuff. I have like minded people who are and have gone through this.
Sometimes I think I need to just move so that I am in an area with more people like me. But I feel like I have more to do here before my journey in this area is over. Or am I just staying in a place that I am fearful of stepping out and doing something different.
Even through all the fears I am more content with my life today than I was a year ago.