Today I feel more in touch with who I am as a human being. New job in the works where I can take a deep breath and exhale a little financially. It's still not within reach but I can see some financial breathing happening in the near future. I will be okay. No matter what happens I will be alright. I just have learned to turn it over to my Higher Power I choose to call God and let the rest move at its own pace. I have no control.
I still feel like I am in the in between stage but that too is something I need to just accept and move through it.
Today I am just me. I am someone who is becoming who I have wanted to be since a child.
My thoughts still go back to that tree with my green army men. There are days I wish I could play with those green army men again. I guess why can't I? I mean there is nothing wrong with me going back and living bits of my childhood again by playing with some toys. Sounds crazy? I don't think so. I just want to be able to get in touch with that which has been lost. Lately I miss my memories of my childhood. I want to remember more. I want to feel more. I try and reach deep down and pull out those memories but it's just not there. Am I trying too hard? Maybe one day I will buy me some green army men and play with them. I want to connect with some of my past. I want to accept some of my past. I want to be able to feel safe looking at my childhood. Maybe working with Michael I can do that. Maybe slowly going to the tree and climbing it I will be able to see the view and feel safe about doing it.
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