So next week for my job I have to meet with the man who 36 years ago raped me. I knew his first name but never knew his last name until today. He owns a lot of property here and I will be asking for his business. I know he won't remember me now I am male and have lost a lot of weight. I am sure if I were still a female he might remember me.
How do I feel about this? I really don't have any feelings about it at all. I am no longer living in that space 36 years ago. I am no longer a drunk or a drug addict. I took the role of victim away long time ago. I am a survivor. I will admit when I saw his picture in my bosses office today I cringed inside a little bit. For a moment came the feelings of being violated. But just as quickly as they came they went. I knew I was no longer that confused 17 year old. I realized that when I got in that car I knew what was going to happen. I knew that he was just not buying me booze to buy and drink we me. These are the things I knew because I have done a 4th step in my recovery. Looking at my part. Owning up to it. Moving on. Life now has a whole new different meaning for me. I will never forget what happened but I will never live in it again.
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