Spent time today when I was cutting grass thinking about all the changes in my life that have taken place. The changes that has happened and the ones becoming up. I felt a sense of fear for just a moment thinking about the challenges ahead of me. Today I felt the loss of not being in a relationship. Not being able to come home and share details both intimate and just the whatever moments. I realized that it could be that I will be even more alone as the changes happen with my gender changes. I have to keep reminding myself that I am okay with where I am right now. That it is okay to be alone and it is okay to be single going through this.
That I am healthy and free to move around the universe today. I am who I am because I chose the path of healthy instead of sick.
I read Jen's letter that she wrote me today and it made me sad but hopeful. The last line in her letter is that the rear view mirror is smaller that the windshield for a reason. I need to buckle up and drive without fear. Look at whats ahead but always pay attention to what is happening now. The now is that I am happy, I am healthy and I have a sense of freedom.
There is more I will write in the days to come about therapy and how its just not working for me right now But for today I am going to enjoy that freedom I am feeling at the moment. Looking out the windshield at the drive in front of me at the moment. Feeling okay and knowing I am making the right decisions about my life
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