A lot of days I feel so caught in the middle. Am I male or female? When do I become completely male? Will it be when my name change is official? Is it when I feel more emotionally fit in my new world? I feel like I am walking this alone. All I have to do is reach out to others. I will go to the support group Tuesday night. Get back with at least transmen. They are different. No black transmen, no one my age At least we all have one thing in common. We are men trapped in another genders body and we are traveling a new journey to create ourselves
I miss Jen more the last few weeks. As much as I am trying I am not feeling a connection with Michael. I have tried more and more but there is a wall. A barrier. Is it me? Can I try harder?
I just don't know how much longer I need to give this before moving on. I will try just a little while longer. I have to keep reminding myself he is not Jen and he will not be bringing to the table what Jen brought. He is bringing something different. I am not one to give up on any thing any longer. I will not give up on therapy with Michael
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