In The Middle Part 2

I am beginning to get stares out in public. It was the same stares when I was larger with more weight on. Weighing in at close to 500 pounds 7 years ago. I got stares and eyes rolled and laughter. Last few days I get the stares like what is that? Is it a man? Is it a woman? Could it be me being more sensitive to what I am trying to become? Could it be a mixture of both? I am feeling a little uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment. I am operating off of a little more fear.
Got word that my job is suffering like every other company during these times. Cutting our hours back. I think right now I don't want to look for another job. Just came out to these people as to what I am doing. They have been very accepting. Fear about money, fear about applying for another job. But I just am trying on a daily basics to take these fears and give them to God. Have faith that my Higher Power is going to ease my fears and things will work out the way they are suppose to.
Funny thing about fear it always seems to just come on me at different times. It's like a big ugly bird that swoops down and tries to grab me. I am trying to figure which direction to go to and it just keeps flapping its large, dark wings. If I just close my eyes and open them it's gone. Just my imagination. It's never as big as it seems or dark. I just have to stop and take a deep breath and recognize that it will be okay.

I feel stuck in the middle with therapy right now too. I know with this cut in pay I am going to have to cut my time back. Co pays are too high to pay every week. I am a little fearful of that too. I am also trying to get into some sort of groove with Michael. It's just not clicking. It's missing something. It's not feeding me what I need or what I was getting with Jen. Again is it me? What adjustments do I have to do? I need to talk to Michael about this and I will. AA has taught me that your secrets keep you sick. I don't want to be sick any longer and I am not one to keep secrets not with something as important as therapy right now
Why did Jen have to leave? It's all a process of growth. I accept that.I just don't like it.