Today I have been thinking about how I will soon become a new man. I have a little fear about what I will be like. How I will react to things in life as a new man. My mind can sometimes go so far to the left that it is scary. I have been thinking that since I am becoming a man. I will be able to drink a beer from time to time or have a drink from time to time when I get home. I then come back to the reality that I am an alcoholic no many what changes my body will take. I guess I need to crank the meetings up a little more. Talk about it with this new therapist guy. Damn how I just don't want to star a new relationship with a therapist. Why can't Jen just stay? Well that is all just me wanting things my way. Her leaving is not about me. That is what I have to realize and keep reminding myself. This is not about me. It's about change and how I need to accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I cannot believe how my life has change since accepting my gender differences. How I feel more at ease, how I am just happy with what life has to offer. It amazes me how I handle situations and it baffles me! Am I in some dream world? Is life just this good for me right now? I mean I still have little money from month to month. I am in a job that is the least favorite job I have ever had. But I just keep moving through.
As a new man I want to be a gentle soul like my Daddy. Someone who just takes life as it comes.
Charley means "free man". I have to smile when I think that, say that. "Free Man". I am free.
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