Last night I got sick at my stomach. Not sure what was going on and I had this cloud of fear surround me. What will happen when I have surgery and there is no on there in the night if I get sick? What happens if my body has a hard time with testosterone? Will someone be there to help me? This is the lonely fearful part of this in my mind. I was really in my head last night when I woke up sick. The mental sick side of me felt like a victim wanted to feel sorry for myself. But deep down God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. He quieted the disturbance in my head. I was able to awake this morning not feeling well but able to take care of a few things. Then take care of me. Sleep, eat good and rest, and pray. Those were the essential things that I need to do. I have the tools today to make my day good or bad. I took care of me.
Tonight I am preparing to meet with the Fan Free Clinic on Tuesday and take that next step towards becoming a man. They will talk to me about testosterone, an intake and I am officially on my road.
How I wish Jen could be a part of this next step. I have to recognize that this is some of what is going on with my emotional self. This is going to be a tough emotional week and I just need to accept and move on. Relationships change and end and new ones begin.
No comments:
Post a Comment