Grateful Monday

So many things I am grateful for today. I just think that life is going okay now. I am grateful to have a job, a place to live, good friend to turn to when I need it. I am so grateful for Black Transmen Inc. They are opening doors for me I would have never step through. I am excited that I am going to run a Black Transmen booth at the Cville Pride fest. In the past I would have never even attended this let alone work a booth!
My self confidence is getting higher. I am much more comfortable with who I am.
I still have my struggle about my transition from time to time. I still struggle sometimes if this is the right thing to do. Will anyone ever love me and I love them again? Is this what God wants from me? Just questions that I am sure sometimes goes through the minds of almost anyone going through this.
I will have to ask some more of the trans guys if this ever crosses their minds. I know its less than it use to be. In the beginning I would get fearful and then those thoughts would come to mind.
Today they are less. But I still have them. I think of it like when I was getting sober and would second guess if this the the thing I want to do. Was I really an addict. The truth is my life got so much better after using that I don't want to go back out and try it and see. I just could not think of what my life would be like if it was like it was when I first came to AA.
I am grateful today just to be grateful. I still need to work on developing some stronger friendships with some trans guys. But I am reaching out more and helping some younger guys. Keeping check on them see how they are doing. Just putting myself out there more. It feels good to think about someone else. To be of service to someone other than myself. It gets me out of my head so.
Today I am so grateful