Changes

As I see more and more changes with my body. The more I feel like hiding. I have been growing a mustache and I feel so open and raw about it. There are times I want to just shave it off so that people don't think I am so sort of freak who does not know about my transition Why should I care? I am living my life being who I am comfortable being. These are the things that I carry around with me. I need to talk to someone about them. Express my fears and my feelings. I wish I lived in a town where no one knows me. Where I am just another person. Is this normal? Why should I care what people think? I am who I am.
Tonight I was in the grocery store. Saw someone I knew from many years ago. I went down the next aisle to keep from speaking to her. I felt so raw, so ashamed of who I am. Am I being a fake? Is this normal for where I am in my transition?
I am comfortable being a man, but uncomfortable being a man in front of people who know me. I worry they are going to think I am some sort of freak, sick. Just the way I was treated when I was a little girl trying to fit in. Being laughed at and bullied by friends. I was always treated like a freak. I was even called one. So when I see someone that has some sort of idea of what I am doing, I feel that rawness. The same rawness I felt as a child at the big tree near the merry go round.
Am I that child again?