I realized this morning just what a good space I am in. I am moving forward with life. I still have moments of anxiety about what people think about me. Am I going to be figured out by people who just meet me. I really wish that I had moved to another area. I can't even imagine how freeing that would be. So I have some long term goals that I am going to start trying to shoot for being moved out of Charlottesville in the next 12 months. I realize the importance of setting goals.
On another note I am constantly seeing changes now in my body. Hair on my knuckles I know sounds crazy but I love looking at my hands now. Hair is coming out on my thighs and little fuzz on my arms! I feel so much more confident. It is amazing to watch these small changes occur.
Still horny as hell and don't know why I just don't find someone and take care of that! I realize that I am not the kind of person who just does one night stands. I want to save myself as a transman for someone who I will fall in love with and who will support me of this change. Not someone who is just interested in seeing what it would be like.
Okay so I am on the clock with work and need to get busy for the day. I need to come back later and write more. I just started again writing in what I will hope will become a book. It's all about growing up in being so confused with my gender. I am digging deep and looking into my childhood. Some of it is painful but many of them of the memories are so vague. I can't remember what it felt like to be a child.
I will keep working with that.
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