Name Change

So tomorrow I go and get the official name change with the court. Just filling out some paper work and then wait and it's all done. How do I feel about that? A little scared, not sure where the fear is coming from. Can't really pen point the anxiety. But I feel it in my stomach. Many times I wonder if this is the right thing. I know in my heart and soul it is. I know that in order for me to be a complete person I have to move forward with this.
There are days I want to shout this out from the roof top. Other days I just want to go and hide. I am in the peeking out the hole stage today. Just like the ground hog, peeking out to see what I see. But unlike the ground hog I am not running back in. I can't, I won't. I should not have to.

August 23rd

I have my prescription and the next step is to get it filled and move on to the next stage of my life. This is yet another new journey. I feel alone with this. Like I am the lone wolf out in the field away from the pack. It's not a that it's a horrible feeling. I just will be glad when the changes really start to take effect. I will then not feel so much like the freak that I feel now. I can wear men's clothes and feel okay. I will be looked at as a the male that I am. Right now I feel like I am caught in between. Is this what it is like when one dies? People talk about them being present in the earthly world and present in the Godly world. Am I waiting for Charlotte to die and Charley to emerge and bring new life?
I will just keep moving towards being healthy. Eating well, exercising and keeping my head clear. I keep the head clear by forever remaining teachable. It's work living healthy. Every morning I take the responsibility of what my day is going to be like. How am I going to treat people. How do I want people to treat me. I think that by practicing these principles in all my affairs will keep me healthy.
I need to make a commitment that I will blog my feelings, and thoughts more. I can't go back to the old routine of keeping them closed in. I have to write this out. I did a mental 10th step daily I need to do this as well. I am going to apply the steps about my transitioning.
I was a little shocked they gave me these meds so quickly. So many thoughts running through my head. Am I ready? What will it do to me? Will I die from this? Is God pleased with what I am doing? I need to just settle down and just go with the what God is doing for me. He is doing for me what I can't do for myself!

Making A Difference

Yesterday I see what it means to make a difference in someone's life. I was at a meeting and this guy comes to me after the meeting. Shakes my hand and proceeds to say he heard my share over a month ago about changing my name. He asked if I was going transition to female to male. I swallowed hard not knowing what to expect from my yes to his question. But I did and what happened next was earth shattering for me. He proceeded to tell me about his daughter who was ten who they were taking to a specialist to help her become a boy. He spoke of his daughter/son with such love and caring. How all he wanted from his child was that they be happy. He asked if I was willing to meet with his daughter/son. It was the first time through just my short life of attempting to live as a male that I felt I could be of service to this father and his child.

Amazing what happens when we put our self out of the way and let our Higher Power simply move through us. We can make a difference.